Christianity: Enforcing Holiness or Loving Without Reservation?

NonChristians feel uncomfortable in church.

That's pretty bad, right? Christians are meant to emulate love and fellowship and community, but the vast majority of people who don't share Christian beliefs feel pretty uncomfortable in Christian gathering places. And if they feel uncomfortable, Christians are gonna have a hard time reaching out to them and showing them love and Jesus and all that.

So why is that? What makes nonChristians uncomfortable?

At a guess, it's because Christians expect nonChristians to lose their own identity and to take on a Christian one whenever they step into a Christian church or a Christian home. You expect them not to cuss, and not to smoke, not to drink, not to laugh about drunken parties or stealing that street sign, and not to practice their own beliefs or their own lifestyle. You might even expect them to start singing the hymns and praying alongside you. Because it's a church, right? Or it's a Christian home, and those are pure and holy places where things of the outside world have no place.

But that's the problem. NonChristians are part of that "outside world." It's part of their identity, and if you take that away from them before inviting them in, they lose part of themselves and feel distinctly uncomfortable. Demanding that they act Christian while inside your borders will keep them outside your borders, guaranteed.

It's not your job to enforce the rules of Christianity onto nonbelievers, even in the sanctity of your own home. It's not your job to make sure they act Christian. It's your job to love nonbelievers, and to share the gospel if they're curious, and that's about it. Think about if you visited a Muslim friend's house, and they demanded that you can't pray or read the Bible while in the house. That would seem kind of disrespectful to you, right? Those things are integral to who you are as a Christian, and you'd be more than a little uncomfortable accepting their invitation to stay. Now imagine a similar situation, but reversed. If a devout Muslims asks to stay with you, are you going to allow them in only if they promise not to pray towards Mecca, because you don't condone such blasphemous prayer? They won't stay with you, because that prayer is part of their identity. What if a happy couple who has been living together for years, but are unmarried, asks to stay with you. Will you tell them that they can stay as long as they stay in separate rooms, because you don't condone such unChristian unmarried living? They won't stay with you, because that relationship is part of their identity. What's more, they'll feel judged and looked down upon, and they'll start feeling resentful towards Christians.

Stop being religious, and start loving without reservation.

Jesus ate and drank with the whores and the tax collectors and sinners, and he never demanded purity before spending time with them. He didn't have a home or a church to invite them into, but I bet if he did, he wouldn't tell them to change before he showed love and charity towards them.

I know this isn't exactly in the Bible, but think of the priest from Les Miserables. In the story, Jean val-Jean is cold and starving, and the priest invites him into his home, telling him that he should treat everything as his own. Feeling lost and desperate, valJean steals the silver dinnerware and runs off in the night. The authorities catch him and bring him back to the priest, where he expects to be indicted and sent back to prison. But instead of charging him with the theft (to demonstrate that he doesn't condone thievery, as a good pharisee would), he tells val-Jean that he forgot the silver candlesticks, which are worth a lot more. The police leave, and val-Jean's life is forever changed by the man's love. The priest didn't expect valJean to be a Christian. He just loved him, and that love made him feel more welcome in the priest's home than anywhere else in the world.

Because being holy isn't about abiding by laws, it's about loving. Let me say that again: Loving is what sets people apart and makes them holy. And love has nothing to do with abiding by laws or enforcing laws, even God's laws. Love is about taking people as they are and showing them as much selflessness as you can give them, and that's what Christianity is meant to be about. When you think it's about changing their actions, you're only going to hurt relationships and drive people away.

Stop being religious, and start being Christian. Stop trying to enforce laws, and start loving without reservation. Your churches and homes may not be as pristine and pretty and holy, but they will be a lot more real and great deal more comfortable to nonChristians. Maybe nonChristians will start feeling loved instead of judged. Maybe nonChristians won't feel looked down upon and inferior. Maybe, if you really, really try to love without reservation, you could even show them a little of what Jesus is supposed to look like.